Morgoth's Random Adventure
by The Exile 09
Summary: WARNING. THIS STORY CONTAINS WOODEN DUCKS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.It's about Morgoth and his randomly wooden duckieish adventure.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hullo. This is Pip again, and I'm with 3 friends (one of them being PhyscoFanaticElfinDaWood ... WEE) Don't even ask about this story, it's very random and you'll all HATE it... But everyone hates my stories anyway, so it's not like my REPUTATION is on the line or anything. **

Morgoth and Sauron were sexy.

Their random wives loved them very much. Morgoth liked to throw things at Sauron and Irone. Morgoth also liked to PLOT. A lot. He never really had time for his random wife, Mira. So she finally got fed up with Morgoth and ran off with a hott evil real estate agent that was an elf. Woo. Morgoth didn't realize she was gone until about a week later. The poor dear. He was too busy thinking about how to dis-embody Fingolfin. Poor Fingolfin.

Sauron and Irone did love each other, and it made Morgoth JEALOUS. OH NO. Jealousy is in soap operas. Is this a soap opera?

Meanwhile, Mira was happy with her evil real estate agent who is also hott and an elf. What was his evil PLOT? TO SELL BAD REAL ESTATE! MWAHAHAHAHA. Erm.

His name was Chad. His favorite hobby was carving ducks out of wood. Sometimes he loved his ducks more than Mira, but not most of the time.

So one day, when Morgoth was PLOTTING, he decided he missed Mira.

A lot.

So he wanted her back, so he decided that he would PLOT to get her back.

How special.

So he figured out who she was now married to, and he devised a PLOT… a PLOT that could NOT GO WRONG. '

Wait.. We interrupt this program to bring you this special news bulletin.

PLOT MEANS TO MAKE AN EVIL  
PLAN. That is evil. Duh.

OKAY. Back to the show.

So ANYWAY, FIRST, Morgoth got a BIG HUNK o' WOOD. And made a 'museum'.

He put up a BIG sign by the road that said;

"ATTENTION! LIKE WOODEN DUCKS? I KNOW I DO! THEN COME TO THE NATIONAL MORDOR MUSEUM OF BIG DUCKS! MADE OUT OF _REAL_ WOOD! On Exit 666."

So Morgoth's PLOT was underway…. DUN DUN DUN DUUNN.

One day while Chad had dragged Mira on a LAM-O road trip, he passed by THE sign.

"Omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh! A WOODEN DUCK MUSEUM! MY DREAM HAS COME TRRUUEEE! We gotta stop there! PleeeeeeaaaassseeE?"

"NO." Said Mira, looking at the SIGN with great horror.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? PPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

The poor elf looked like he was going to explode, so Mira FINALLY consented. "Eh.. whatever.." Mira said, filing her nails.

Chad drove 120 miles per second in order to reach the duck museum in time: Who KNOWS when these things would close? They're SO, like, unpredictable.

FINALLY they got there.. (And in a good 10 seconds, too!) and Chad walked up the GRAND steps to the museum in awe.

"Um, dear? Did you realize that this is smack-dab in the middle of Mordor? AND that it's right by my ex-husband's house… tower… slob-pit.. thing?" Mira said, looking at a particularly large, obnoxious duck sign and wanting to throw it off a cliff.

"Eh.. It must be just a coincidence." Chad said, pushing open the door and looking upon the GAINT WOODEN DUCK OF WOODEN DUCKYNESS.

Chad promptly fainted.

Mira sighed with annoyance and was prepared to drag him back to the car WHEN…

"Hello dear, did you MISS me?" A voice boomed, and MORGOTH stepped out of the shadows.

Mira whirled around and looked bored. "Am I supposed to answer that TRUTHFULLY?"

"That would be nice." Morgoth blinked, expecting an emotional 'YESSS!'

"Erm… NO." Mira said, slinging Chad over her shoulder.

"But.. but… you're supposed to love ME.. Not some lam-o duck loving evil real estate agent. He's not really EVIL. I'm a LOT more evil than HIM. I mean, I hate ducks… Ducks are supposed to be cute… WHY DOES HE LIKE DUCKS! Love ME instead… And I'll give you…" He tried to think of a good country that didn't mess too much with his PLOTS, "I'll give you MIRKWOOD."

"Just MIRKWOOD? Come on. Throw in Rohan and I'll consider it."

"FINE. Rohan too, now let's go."

"Still considering…" Mira said, pretending to look thoughtfully cute.

"NARG. GAH. EVIL. PLOT." Morgoth muttered, pacing back and forth.

"Eh.. okay." Mira said, flinging Chad out the window.

"WEALLY? I mean.. good." Morgoth said, taking her in his incredibly SEXY arms.

Mira KISSED HIM, and he kissed back, and they both kissed passionately under the moonlight.

Even though it WAS daytime.. but we're the authors! DO NOT QUESTION US.

Oh yeah, and Sauron and Irone lived happily ever after.

THE END.

**Don't you love it? I do. There is proof that Sauron and Morgoth may have been incredibly sexy 'back inthe day' SO RESPECT THAT.**

**Namarie, **

**-Pip and fwiendies**


	2. THE CLINIC

**HELLO, PEOPLE! So.. You wanted more.. here's more... Not exactly about Irone and Sauron... but... yeah.. there'll be more about them later.. How SAD.. We have MORe.. Mwhaha.. But anyway, Thanks to my fwiendies who were my CO-AUTHORS! Lynne, Adrienne, and Sammy! WEEEE... **

**So here is the second part of MORGOTH'S RANDOM ADVENTURe.**

**Have nightmares!**

One day Morgoth was in a particularly bad mood. Today he had seen Sauron and Irone cuddling in the hallway. Again.

"I wuv you, Mr. Snuggle-buns." Irone cooed, and gave him a wittle kissie.

"I wuv you too, my wittle luvey-kins" Sauron cooed back, kissing her.. .Again.

Morgoth was VERY fed up with this.

"ENOUGH CUDDLING! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS CUDDLE? IS IT NOW A SPORT? GOOOSSSSHHHHHH."

Then he proceeded to throw things at the happy couple. You know, chairs, maps, pointy plotty things….

"Ouch. You MEANIE." Irone said, sticking her tongue out at Morgoth. "You're just JEALOUS."

"GASP. I'm not JEALOUS. Jealousy is in SOAP OPERAS. Is this a soap opera?"

"YEEEESSSSS." Sauron and Irone chorused together.

"NO. This is NOT A soap opera, therefore: ………. I AM NOT JEALOUS!" He then threw another table at Sauron. A big table. Poor Sauron. That's gonna leave a bruise.

"GO TO COUNSELING, GOOOSSSHHH." Irone screamed and dragged Sauron out of the room, away from the HORRIBLE ABUSE.

10 minutes later…..

"OOHHHH MIIRRRAAAAAA…." Morgothsaid in an evil sing-song voice.

Mira stuck her head in the doorway, "What." She asked, filing her nails… again.

"How about we go to a little thing I would like to ccaaaaalllll…. MARRIAGE COUNSELING!"

Morgoth received a blank stare from Mira.

"Why?"

"Well… I feel like our marriage is falling apart… and and…. SAURON AND IRONE HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP! WAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

"So you're jealous?" Mira said, pondering this thought..

**20 minutes later….. **

"Welcome, everyone, to my course of wonderful marriage counseling." A man said, with HUGE, coke-bottle glasses, pants pulled up to his ribs, (rib-huggers… WOO.) WITH his shirt tucked in, WITH suspenders.

What a hunk, eh?

"Now, I would like to introduce myself, MY name is Dr Mr Srgt Captain Admiral…. Gee, I forgot my real name… Well, I guess you can call me Dr Mr Srgt Captain Admiral.. YES. That is my name. Now what are all yours?"

"Dude, there are only like… 2 of us here. I'm Mira. Fear me." Mira said, pulling out her nail-file in a VERY threatening way.

"I'm Morgoth. I'm evil and I like to plot. It's fun. I am an evil Lord, and if this doesn't work out I can have you made into an orc. You want that, buddy?"

"You… you…. Called me BUDDY. I've never had a BUDDY before…" Tears came into the corner ofDr.'s eyes; he was TOUCHED, "Now.. what do you two like to do for.." He reached for a Kleenex, "fun?"

"Well… I like to throw things at my assistants. It's a great stress-reliever, you know. OH. And I like to PLOT. PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOT! Erm… and I like to… to…. Plot? Yeah.. that's it." We can all guess who said that.

Mira rolled her eyes and filed her nails, "I like to control Mirkwood…. And play with my wittle FELL BEASTS. Woo… that's about it."

"Oh… do you ever do anything… together?"

"OH OH OH! Once I made a plot that involved Mira and wooden ducks! Remember that, Mira? Wasn't that COOL?" Morgoth said, a gleam in his eyes.

"Yeah.. sorta…. I guess… Well I got Mirkwood out of it, anyway…" She muttered under her breath.

"So.. my BUDDIES, you've never done anything together? No WONDER you're marriage SUCKS-- I mean… is suffering. Now… we must think of something that you can both do TOGETHER." Dr Mr Srgt Captian Admiral said.

"Ermm.. like…?"

"Mini-golf is a GREAT sport." Dr Mr Srgt… eh I give up.

"Does it involve plotting?" Morgoth asked eagerly.

"Sorta….." Dr threw some putters at the to-be happy couple and shoved them out of his office. "NOW GO HAVE FUN! HAPPY TRAILS! ….. BUDDY!"

**5 minutes later…..**

"GGGGAAAAAAHHHHH" Morgoth roared and twisted his putter up into a ITSY-BITSY BALL and threw it at the obnoxious windmill, "THIS GAME IS THE STUPIDEST THING EVER!" Morgoth tried to crunch the golf ball in his hands.. but… it was too.. ROUND.

"Now now, DEAR, just because you can't play mini-golf doesn't mean we have to get MAD, do we? Hmm?" Mira said, putting the ball PERFECTLY into the hole.

Morgoth muttered colorful curses under his breath and stomped off to the car. Evilly.

Mira shrugged and decided to finish the rest of the game.. she was GOOD at this.

"Must…have… revenge… on… MARRIAGE COUNSELER! GAAHHH.."Morgoth fumed in the car, getting a map of the clinic and scribbling on it furiously with that tiny wittle golf pencil. And SOON.. an evil PLOT began to form…. SO EVIL.. that there would be NO MORE CLINIC… DUN DUN DUN DUUNNN…


	3. Social Workers

**AN: Sorry, me dear random fans, that I haven't updated.. We ALL know what happens when school starts! DUN DUN DUN DUUNN.. the computer life gets SUCKED out of us! NOOOO!**

**Well, many thanks to my fwiendies, Lynne, Ad, and Sam, who helped me write this, and to all the reviewers! WEEE!**

**Hope you hate it!**

Chapter 3: Social Workers.

The door SLAMMED open, and Sauron looked up from reading his 'Better Homes and Gardens (with a slip-cover over it that read, "HOW TO BECOME AN EVIL DICTATOR IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES.')'

"Woah.. what happened to YOU?" Sauron asked,

What happened, indeed.

Morgoth's clothes were all torn up, and some hairs on his sexy head were on fire, and he was covered in soot.

"Must… destroy.. clinic… too many… protection wargs.. tried to burn down clinic… didn't work… too many … WARGS." Morgoth muttered, his eye twitching wildly.

"Why don't you… go lie down for a while…"Sauron said, trying not to snicker, "Oh… and extinguish your head," Snicker… snicker…

"WHHAATTT WAAASSS THHAATTT? DO I HEAR SNICKERING? GAAAAHHHH" Morgoth then proceeded to throw MORE things at Sauron.

"THAT'S IT." Sauron yelled, "I'm THROUGH with being ABUSED. I'm calling a SOCIAL WORKER!"

Morgoth stared at Sauron blankly, "Yeah, ALL that I've taught you… and you call a social worker… GRREEEAAATTTT."

DUN DUN DUN DUUUNNNN

"WELL I'M GOING TO." Sauron ran to the palantir and dialed the social worker's number.

"Hi… I'm Sauron. I'm being abused. Could you stop by and give my… erm… my abuser a good talking to? Weally? Thanks…" He… hung up (?) and stomped off with a satisfied grin.

A FEW MINUTES LATER… WOOOOOOO.

The doorbell rang. "OH I WONDER WHO THAT IS?" Sauron yelled, running over to the door and yanking it open.

"Hello. I am Chad. I am a social worker. Would you like a complementary wooden duck?"

Sauron just stared…. "SSAAAAAYYYYY… weren't you that dude that Mira ran off with, but then you ditched her for a wooden duck?"

"Sorta.. I don't wanna talk about it. Sniff sniff." Chad sniffed. Sniff.

Mira was walking down the stairs (bored… as usual) when she saw… HIM. "Oh.. it's Chad, that duck-loving freak… What is HE doing here?" She mumbled, running back upstairs and shutting the door.

"So what seems to be the problem here?" Chad stuck his head in the house, "UG. It's FILTHY. What kind of environment are you living in, here?"

"Evil one." Sauron shrugged, trying to act as abused as possible.

"So what has your abuser been doing to you,…. Sweety?" Chad said, trying to sound caring. He wasn't.

"SNifffffff… Well… he throws things at me… a lot… and he… he… calls me DUMB. And he calls me mean names and makes me help him PLOT. Actually.. I like that part… but STILL." Sauron scuffled his feet and pretended to cry.

"YOU PANSY!" A voice boomed, and (guess who!) stepped out from the shadows.

"YOOOUUU!" Chad screeched, "You're on your own, kid." He muttered to Sauron.

"NOT SO FAST!" He took Chad and promptly threw him out the window.

"NOW STOP BEING A PANSY, SAURON." Morgoth boomed, and threw a potted hibiscus at Sauron.

Sauron ducked, "SHEESH, I was trying to GET RID OF YOU. GOOOOSSSHHH."

"You WERE? I like that in you… traitorous.. like ME! That's so perfect.. maybe you ARE showing some promise after all….."

This blissful (but evil) moment was interrupted by Irone's SCREAM.

"SCCCRREEEAAAMM!" Irone screamed, "MY POTTED HIBISCUS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Irone sobbed, "What happened to GEORGE! He was my FWIENDIE."

Sauron and Morgoth stared, and Morgoth narrowed his eyes, "WHO CARES! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT."

Sauron really didn't care about anything at the moment, so he just stared off into space.

AN: Review, dahlings, and ye shall get another chapter! huggles all


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